I pulled the books that accompanied me so far in the fantastic and complicated adventure of being a mother off the shelf
For some weeks now, I have been experiencing an unprecedented situation. Not only that, like all those who can afford it, I'm locked in the house. But I am 24 hours a day with my children. A situation that I have experienced so far only in two circumstances: during breastfeeding or on vacation.
This time it's different. We are all at home and I have to: cook, clean, work (remotely), follow the school's chats, check the electronic register between one video meeting and the other, lend the PC to the little girl at home for the direct with her teacher , count to 100 after the umpteenth response from my pre-teenager of the heart, try to keep up the morale of the troops (of all the troops).
And it is precisely in the midst of daily chaos that I decided to put down this list. The books that have helped me over the years as a mother and now I want to advise you (I also put the links to buy them on the fly!). I hope you find them useful …
The secret language of babies (Tracy Hogg)
I admit it, for me it was a light at the end of the tunnel. The first months after the birth of my first child I was crazy with joy but also very, very tired. Tired and lost. Tired, bewildered and convinced not to make it. Reading this book, page after page, has given me small doses of confidence. Being a mom is a job, splendid and difficult. But infants help us, from the first days, to get in tune with them. In their own way they speak to us and guide us within the world in which we have placed them. "The secret language of babies" and the magic word Easy are a sort of simultaneous translator of tears, imperceptible gestures, grimaces and sudden screams. An instruction booklet jam-packed with love.
I wean myself (Lucio Piermarini)
Try to think about deciding when to go to baby food only by observing your child, without listening to pediatricians, friends, relatives, experts and "all". "I wean myself" is a bit like this: a Copernican revolution in which the sun is the child, the center of the family's solar system. I confess I have not read it, I point it out to you on the advice of Simona, a friend whom I trust very much.
The secret language of children (Tracy Hogg)
Once you are comfortable in the role of a mother, fully aware of the love you feel for your son or daughter, confident that your life will never be the same … another great adventure begins. In the meantime they have learned to walk, to say "no", to give a name to things, to socialize, to have precise and adamant tastes. And here it takes love, dedication and patience to help them grow. And it takes rules. "The secret language of children" will help you find the right ones and, above all, to transfer them to children in cases without trauma but firmly.
Little steps (Silvia Vegetti Finzi and Anna Maria Battistin)
This is a book that I loved very much. I read it twice, when my children were about three years old. I found myself looking for it in my library as soon as I heard that they were about to begin to detach themselves from me. "A small steps" is a perfect title to tell the slow and also very fast path that every child takes towards autonomy and non-dependence on their parents. The book is built on questions and answers. And it is incredible how sometimes you seem to read in the thought of a mother struggling with the whims, closures and incredible discoveries of every day (and every night).
The child is competent (by Jesper Juul)
What if I told you that by reading this book I became convinced after a few pages that my son already had his own character a few months later, a lot of certainties and as many peculiarities of his own? Reading "The child is competent", I learned very early how important it was to observe and respect him.
Letter to a child who is afraid of mathematics (Camillo Bortolato)
And when sleepless nights, weaning, constant fevers end … school begins. Among the many books that I happened to read when my first child went from maternal to primary, I chose this. "Letter to a child who is afraid of math" is a welcoming port for any parent who is struggling with the small great difficulties of a child. “We will make percentages and fractions without realizing it – writes Camillo Bortolato – The nausea and mortification for the routine aspects of which the school is full will end. The bulldozers will come and take away the addition with the carryover, the subtraction with his loan, the multiplication in the column and the division with one or two digits. The school distributes your knowledge with the dropper. Exercise a conspiracy to thwart the fact that you may learn too quickly and leave home after a few days. To learn the things you really like. " Isn't that music for your ears?
The age of the Tsunami – How to survive a pre-adolescent child (Alberto Pellai and Barbara Tamborini)
And then comes pre-adolescence. For me it was like starting over. I ran to buy it after I found my son's bedroom door locked for the second time in a single day. The night before he asked me to cuddle him and fall asleep next to him, the next morning he was another child. Or maybe it would be better to say … boy. "The age of the Tsunami" taught me to understand that everything was normal. That those reactions, those big words, those refusals were scientifically normal, almost obvious. My cuddly baby didn't give me back but at least I felt less inadequate 🙂
Let me grow up in peace! How to live adolescence serenely (Alberto Pellai and Barbara Tamborini)
A year later I read this. The two authors (a couple of experts in developmental psychology, a couple at work and in life) had been of great help to me after the first Tsunami, I trusted them even when my ex-child became a boy done and finished. "Let me grow in peace!" it is a journey into the world of adolescence: that of bodily changes, rebellion against the rules, important choices. I read it in one breath and I took a lot of notes.
Mothers are never wrong – Giovanni Bollea
This book is a milestone, the author – first president of the Italian Society of Child Neuropsychiatry – a luminary. Love, listening, example. Among the pages of "Mothers are never wrong" you will find simple and universal advice: "on the family, on the different stages of development of the child, on his physical and mental evolution and on his primary needs". I recommend it to everyone. Whatever age your children are. There will always be a page that will help you find the right answer to one of the many questions you ask yourself every day, as a woman and as a mother.
Mindfulness for supermothers – Shonda Moralis
I want to close lightly. I read this book in the summer, to relax a little. Inside there are "65 strategies to lighten the day" of every woman struggling with a thousand daily tasks. Children, work, partner, colleagues, friends, teachers and teachers, neighbors and coaches. "Mindfulness for supermothers" convinced me – with a smile – that I could find 5 minutes all for me, every day. I don't always succeed but (I swear I try).