The years pass and when we are in a relationship, we tend to no longer pay attention to each other, like at the beginning. However, simple little things, to be done regularly, allow you to maintain the flame, and keep it intact, as on the first day. A quick overview with Audrey Brun, systemic psychologist.
The couple is often compared to a plant: if it is not taken care of, it dies. This observation made, the question is: “How to maintain your relationship?” Audrez Brun, systemic psychologist, gives us ten tips.
What is a couple?
“The couple is the meeting of two people and therefore of two stories. But also two issues, because we all have things to resolve and a past, a family history that has always followed us” explains Audrey Brun first. “Being a couple is therefore bringing these two stories together, sometimes it “matches” very well, sometimes it creates other problems later” adds the psychologist.
How do you recognize a happy couple?
A happy couple recognizes each other “to the fact that there is a desire to be together, to share positive emotions during these moments” estimates our expert. “These couples know how to support each other, and have positive emotions that they cultivate on a daily basis, they share things that they want to do together“.
What are the things to say or do to maintain your relationship?
So what can you do to stay in a positive dynamic as a couple? Here are some tips from our specialist:
Know yourself first, to know others
“The first thing is to know yourself well, to know what makes you happy.” indicates Audrey Brun. “This is how we can get to know others, which makes them happy. It is a way of acting and approaching others with emotional intelligence, of recognizing the things that make them feel good, of having empathy towards others..
Ask for news
“Ask the simple question: how are you? Are you fine ?” explains our expert. This allows us to learn about the other person’s emotion and their feelings. “Feelings are emotions that last, you have to ask the question because you can’t know how the other is doing if you don’t ask them” she adds.
Take the time to listen to others
“Taking the time to listen to others means knowing how they are doing but also remaining silent and letting others speak.” Audrey Brun further details. “By having taken the time to listen to him, this allows us to detect clues and get to know him better.”
Identify your needs
When we take the time to listen to him, we can detect his needs. According to the psychologist, you must directly ask the question “What do you need?”. “When questioning the other, you must be attentive to the emotion, make a clear request about what the other needs. Is this fear or discomfort? What’s behind it? And what need must be met? That of being reassured? Heard ? Listen ?” says our expert.
Preserve the self-esteem of others
Preserving the other’s self-esteem, reassuring the other, telling them that they can be proud of themselves, this is essential as a couple. “It doesn’t just mean saying, ‘I’m proud of you,’ but also saying, ‘You can be proud of yourself.’
Admire others for what they do and what they are
The admiration we have for others also counts. In love, we find a form of admiration. “It is important to look at others with admiration, both for what they do and for what they are.” specifies the specialist.
Providing support to your spouse
A couple is about sharing and support, it is also important to tell the other that we are there, when they need us. “You have to tell him but also show him” adds Audrey Brun. “This means acting accordingly: it means supporting others when they need it most: when the other needs to get out of a situation, or during moments of sadness, for example.”
Allow him a private part and a secret garden
Allowing others to have their intimate share is not obvious to everyone. “It is important to respect the privacy of each person in the couple, which you do not necessarily want to share with your partner. It’s a kind of secret garden. This is to be distinguished from the intimacy of the couple, which is created together. There, it’s respecting what the other does, without necessarily systematically questioning them when they do something on their side” analyzes our expert.
Have plans together for the future
Having projects together, to plan for the short, medium or long term, is also one of the bases of a happy couple. “It’s to build projections, whatever the project: real estate, having a child, working together, planning vacations… Planning together means wanting to spend time together, because a couple is a co-construction ” explains the psychologist.
Telling ourselves that we love each other and why
Finally, and this is perhaps the most important thing: to tell ourselves that we love each other. “And beyond feelings, we must also regularly remind ourselves that we appreciate the other and why we appreciate” concludes Audrey Brun.