In love, in your professional or social life, being successful requires a minimum of work. What are the weapons and the state of mind to put forward to achieve your goals? An American psychologist reveals 12 rules to follow to succeed in life.
Whatever our objective (work, life as a couple, family, etc.) and our definition of this word, in life, we are all chasing success. Everyone can therefore imagine what will be a success for them. On the other hand, with regard to how to benefit from your projects, there would be a positive state of mind to maintain, whatever the area targeted, in order to move forward.
Dr Steven Hayes, professor of psychology at the University of Nevada, USA, has studied the subject and books in Psychology Today, the 12 rules to follow to achieve your goal and enjoy a fulfilling life. “Note that none of them are absolute”, he modestly emphasizes, “Personally, I break several of these rules almost every day. And yet, I have noticed that when I continue to live according to them, things go much better than when I don’t.” But what is this twelve-point secret?
Focus on the process, not just the result
Do you have a goal? It’s good ! But don’t forget that success is built little by little, like a sum of small progressive steps which each have their importance. “If we obsess over the outcome, we risk cutting ourselves off from the processes that could produce it.” explains Dr. Hayes. Instead, we should learn to care about the process by turning it into a form of play.
Fail by doing, not by avoiding
The only way to become good at something is to actually do it. “If you want to become a good writer, you must write” recalls the expert. But too often we fail to act for fear of making mistakes. And yet, more often than not, the biggest mistake would be to do nothing at all. It is therefore better to fail by trying than by doing nothing.
Say “yes” more easily
To move forward you have to confront new experiences. So get out of your comfort zone, by saying “yes” more often to the challenges proposed, even if you are not completely sure of yourself.
Work with others
The author reminds us that we humans are social animals who do our best when we collaborate with other people towards common goals. So team up! Form a network. You will get an exchange that can only be positive.
Keep your commitments
This is the most important rule of all for the psychologist. “Be careful with your word and who or what you commit to. However, once you make a commitment, go all out.” This doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes, but that shouldn’t stop you, there will always be time to start again.
When things don’t work out, we tend to look for an external reason without looking at our own “faults”. “We cannot learn and grow from our failures this way.” evokes the psychologist. Instead, practice being accountable, both to the “me” and to the “we.” “It’s best to focus on what can be done as an individual and as a group.” recalls the expert.
Recognize your own abilities
Don’t underestimate yourself, but realize the power you have and the things you can do. So don’t be afraid to take action with your strengths. Those who fail confuse having a dream with having a defined project and an adequate action plan. The difference also lies in your perseverance.
Become aware of your fleeting place
Remember that you are not eternal! So stop putting everything off until tomorrow, and devote your efforts to tasks that are meaningful to you. Remembering that we are only on Earth for a defined time also allows us to sort through the projects that really matter.
Connect with successful people
To stay inspired and move forward, nothing beats being around people who are gifted at what they do. Whether in work or even in love. Go meet people who are an example, ask them questions, be curious. “Find people who are good to learn with” summarizes Dr. Hayes.
Keep your integrity
People who want to succeed may be tempted to cheat, especially if they focus on success as an outcome rather than a process. “But if you violate your integrity to achieve a particular outcome, you will find that the activity itself has much less intrinsic value. The playful side disappears. Instead of being fun, it has now become just a means to an end.”
If you slip, even slightly, immediately repair the damage and return to what makes you whole.
Follow your heart
Successful people are generally confident. This does not mean that they are arrogant, or that they are never afraid, but they are confident in what drives them, and know how to stay true to what they love. “Act with confidence, that is, with faith in yourself and in life. But also by remaining faithful to your values and personal driving forces” advises the psychologist. What matters to you matters.
Good in his body, good in his head!
Also say “no” when necessary
We’ve seen “yes”, but sometimes it’s important to know how to say “no”. Even more so when you progress and need concentration to achieve your goal. Learn to say “no” to distractions that can take you away from your goal. And to say “yes” to your priorities!