6 reasons for not feeling guilty if we spend little time with children

6 reasons for not feeling guilty if we spend little time with children

Feelings of guilt are a constant in the life of every mother, divided between work, home and children. Yet there are at least 6 good reasons not to blame yourself

Work, home, school meetings: it would take 48-hour days to be able to reconcile everything and make time for our children.

Feelings of guilt are a constant in the life of every mother (especially a worker), fought also by the legitimate and human desire to carve out some personal space.

It is enough then for the child to show a little intolerance towards the baby-sitter, the "grandfather-sitter" or the school to make us sink into the abyss of self-blame and reach the fateful conclusion: "I'm doing everything wrong, it's just the fault my".

This article does not aim to be a panacea for any sense of guilt, but only the opportunity to stop for a moment, take a breath, reflect and discover that there are at least 6 excellent reasons for not feeling guilty.

  • It is not the quantity that counts, but quality. We are told by so many friends, relatives and colleagues, but now psychologists and psychotherapists also support it loudly: it is not the quantity but the quality of time that makes the difference. Even just an hour a day, dedicated exclusively to children, without any distraction, to make them feel good. A recent American study, reported by Riza, measured the hours spent by mothers with their children and denied the cliché that the constant presence of the mother is necessary for their "success". The study published in the Journal of marriage and family highlighted how the mere amount of time spent with children has virtually no relation to their happiness and future "success". Out of twenty indicators considered, from school grades to emotional well-being, practically there is not one that is in direct relation to the time invested by the mother. This is especially true for younger children, ages three to eleven. Indeed, in some cases too much time spent with children seems even "harmful" to them, when the mother is particularly stressed, sleeps little or is particularly anxious
  • The importance of independence and autonomy. Children must learn to be independent, it is good for their growth and for the creation of a well-defined personality. Above all, a child accustomed since childhood to not always have his mother next to him is a child "vaccinated" against difficulties. A working mother anticipates the autonomy of the child, who will be more ready against unexpected and small daily difficulties. Just as the body becomes stronger thanks to contact with enemies, so the distance of the parent accustoms children to rely more on themselves.
  • We work for them. Our absence is aimed at their well-being: we work to guarantee them a good education, a good physical education (sport) and social education.
  • The risks of excessive presence. Parents too present end up becoming inevitably apprehensive. They are so used to having them always at hand and under their eyes that when they don't happen they go into crisis. And children accustomed to having them always by their side do not acquire that fundamental autonomy and security for their emotional growth.
  • More value to the presence. The moments together become more valuable: your return home every day becomes a feast for your child.
  • Working mothers are more fulfilled and gratified. Often working mothers are more gratified and satisfied and do not concentrate their entire development on children's education. With all the risks that this prospect entails.
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