I am the daughter of a story that did not have a happy ending, of a consummated and exhausted love. About something hopelessly broken that was held together because of me
I made “do not judge others” a real mantra in my life, because if there is one thing I learned early on, it is that the things we do not know are the first that we criticize. What I have always done and what I will do today, however, is to tell you about something I know and have experienced firsthand: the absence of love in my parents’ marriage.
They are the protagonists of a story destined not to have a happy ending. I am the daughter of that story, of a love consummated and exhausted in all its forms. Of something irremediably broken that mom and dad have never been able to repair but, with enormous efforts, they have kept together for my good.
At that time I was just a child and yet I remember how badly it made me see Mom’s tears and Dad’s constant nervousness. I remember the accusations, the scoldings at each other and the screams muffled by my presence. Both forced to reluctantly stay under one roof just to give me that feeling of having a close family. Yet I, that feeling, I had never had.
And I can say now, that I am grown up and that I have become a mother, that for the “good of the children” it is not always a “good”. It isn’t because the mere fact of being raised by two unhappy people who gave up everything for me breaks my heart, yesterday and today.
Because if only I could go back, I would have the courage to tell mom and dad not to stay together, not to do it for me. Not to sacrifice the precious years of their life by sharing the days and the bed with a person who had already left their heart for some time.
I will never judge my parents for it, but I will not repeat their own mistakes. I understand them now, more than I ever did in the past, because today – like them – I am constantly working on myself to ensure a better life for my children. But you know, what I’ve learned is that our children don’t want perfect parents, they want them happy.
I would have liked to see my imperfect parents, but serene, smiling and happy as they are now, who have both followed their hearts without reserve. And I know that nothing would have changed in our relationship, that they would have loved me in the same way and maybe even more, even we would not have been under the same roof anymore.