A hardly acceptable choice? Perhaps. Can be judged? I do not believe. Let me explain why I don't feel wrong when I say that extended family is not for me
Saying it aloud has always scared me because we know that by expressing a thought that goes against public opinion, despite this being based on a personal and unique experience, one inevitably exposes us to judgments and criticisms. But this doesn't scare me anymore, and not because I know I'm not the only one, but because I did everything in my power to give balance and serenity to my children. That's why I won't feel like a wrong person just because today I can say with a light heart that extended family is not for me.
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It is not for me because behind a finished story there is always a lot of pain, the same that inevitably affects the present and the future. Of course I have learned that time heals all wounds, but those heal and do not disappear. And no, I have not forgotten all the pain experienced by the betrayal and the end of that relationship.
So I won't pretend that I feel completely comfortable with my ex and his new family, nor am I thrilled to spend the summer holidays or the rest of my time with them. I will not spend the evenings sitting at the same table as theirs, toasting and eating, as if the disrespect and the lies, the pain and that broken heart had never existed.
Does this choice have to make me a bad person? I do not think so. Indeed, I am strongly convinced of it. Because this remains and will always remain a personal choice that does not go to the detriment of others, but above all of my children.
Because I was a good mom, or at least I tried despite the mistakes. And I have never prevented my children from being with their dad, or with his new partner and siblings. Because I know they wanted this and I'm happy like that.
I am because in the meantime I have found my balance and my serenity, the same that allows me to have a civil relationship with my ex partner and his family. And it sure would have been easier to erase it forever from my life, but I chose not to do it out of respect for the family we once were.
Why not, I didn't want legal battles, much less wars at home and outside. Because the pain was already strong and too intense, and the thought of disseminating more, which would be to the detriment of our children, horrified me. So I accepted that pain, went through it confining it to my innermost dimension and let my children choose for themselves.
And even if I now have my life, and my happiness, I will not choose to sit next to that man and pretend nothing has happened even if our relationships are civil and respectful. Because our lives now travel on two parallel tracks that will never meet again, but which will never collide for the sake of the children.