Now that I am a mother, I too have understood the greatest teaching of all
It seems like an eternity has passed, yet I remember it like it was yesterday when after yet another fight with my mother she looked at me exhausted, tired of the usual teenage battles and repeated to me "when you are a mother you will understand".
With gritted teeth I answered her, I always did, murmuring that no, I wouldn't be like her, so apprehensive, so unwilling to my social rebellions, so rigid about life choices. I criticized her, certainly not with malice, but I did not agree with her parenting policy and never spared her anything.
There were moments in our relationship where everything triggered an argument that always ended with my bullae attitudes, my hunger strikes and attempted home runs, which ended with my every return. But she has always forgiven me, as only a mother can, repeating to me every time that one day I would have understood her every decision.
In those days I really couldn't understand, but today I can't help but think about how right she was, because today I'm a mother too and I find myself doing and saying exactly her things. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I seem to see her again, and not only for her physical appearance, but for the tired air and those wrinkled wrinkles that furrow my face at every discussion with my little girl.
I would like her to be here beside me to help me solve my parenting dilemmas, to stroke my head, as she did when I was a child, to reassure me that everything will be okay. I wish my daughter had spent more time with her grandmother because I'm sure her wisdom and her big heart would have taught her so much, more than I can sometimes.
I would like to tell her that she was right about everything and that in those days, I really couldn't understand the efforts and sacrifices she made for me and my sisters, every day. That I was a fool to spark useless discussions if my favorite dish wasn't there at dinner, that now I understand that if he advised me not to go out with that boy it was only for my own good.
Now I am a mother too and in every discussion I find myself saying the same words to my daughter that she, my rock, my point of reference, told me. And I confess, when I see my little girl snorting I can't help but smile, because it reminds me exactly of me at her age.
That phrase that bored me at the time and that seemed almost a curse today is a beautiful memory that I carry within me as a precious teaching, the one that my mother tried to pass on to me through a cryptic message that only today, at the age of 40, I can to decipher.
Because I have learned so many things from her and still today, despite her heavy absence, she continues to guide me. Because everything I know about love and family, about the mother and daughter relationship, I know thanks to her. And not because she went there to explain step by step what to do and what not to do, but because she loved me, she took care of the family, she protected them with tooth and nail.
Today I would like to tell her that she was always right about everything and that she was a perfect mother and that now, that I am a mother too, I finally understood.