Noholito learns to live with his anxiety attacks

“When you have an anxiety attack you are no longer really in reality, you really have the impression of experiencing something horrible. I said to myself: “people are going to judge me” “. Youtuber Noholito has suffered from anxiety attacks since a very young age. On the occasion of the release of his book “28 Years of Anguish”, he gives us a sincere testimony and confides in his mental health and his anxiety attacks.

My first anxiety attack happened in middle school but it wasn’t very bad so I didn’t worry. It was in high school that I started having bigger and more frequent anxiety attacks. I wondered what was going on.

As for the symptoms, I have palpitations, difficulty breathing, feeling like I’m going to pass out, almost like I’m going to die. Even though I realize that this is not the case, in these moments we are completely irrational. At other times, my heart “just” flutters and I manage to calm my breathing although it is still quite complicated. In fact, it all depends on the intensity of the crisis. For example, I try to breathe a little slower so that my heart palpitations slow down.

From avoidance to click

I used to run away when I had anxiety attacks. In high school, for example, I left class. It was simpler. My anxiety attacks also disappeared because I avoided all the distressing moments, whether on the tram, the bus, bars, restaurants or even amphitheatres. It wasn’t just one situation that stressed me out but the whole day because I had to calculate everything. I put blinders on and told myself that it would pass.

At one point it clicked. I realized that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to go to a restaurant, but rather that it was the crises that kept me from going. That’s the whole nuance. I wanted to be able to tell myself that I wasn’t going to restaurants by choice and not because of anxiety attacks.

Meet the right professional to support us

The first step was the psychiatrist, but I admit that I didn’t really believe in it. He recommended exercises to me but I didn’t do them, I wasn’t very focused. In fact, there was no feeling between him and me. After that, I turned to a hypnotist, which did me a lot of good. However, I didn’t really feel like it suited me.

I then heard about EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing: a technique based on eye movements effective in the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder and phobias). I wanted to try it and I actually found a psychologist with whom I feel good. This is what makes all the difference in therapy.

Finding the path to healing

Once you find a therapist who suits you, it’s not magic and one session is far from enough for the anxiety attacks to disappear.

So we first tried to deal with events from my childhood. I also realized that I couldn’t manage my emotions. For example, I never cried or I was too attached and emotionally dependent on men. Since the therapist explained my emotions to me, I am starting to frame them, take a step back and see them in a better way. I think it was from that moment that I really turned to the path of healing.

While I was doing EMDR with the psychologist, I remember having an image of a door opening with a light behind it. It’s very colorful but I see it as the “door to happiness”. Since this famous session, I have seen the evolution. Of course this door is not yet completely open and the path is not finished, but with each session, it opens a little more.

“It is necessary to find ourselves”

A big part of the key to getting through this is being in the moment. For example, right now I’m in an interview, I’m fully living the moment. I try not to think about the fact that I might suddenly have a seizure. There is no miracle recipe, when you see that crises are taking up too much space in daily life, you have to seek help and find a therapy that works for you. In today’s society, we forget ourselves a lot. However, it is necessary to find yourself and it is far from selfish to love yourself and try to move forward.

Currently, I don’t yet love myself completely but I realize that it’s still beautiful and that it’s above all the main thing to be in agreement with yourself. So really, don’t forget yourself and take care of yourself.