Reverse psychology: how does it work?

What is reverse psychology? Why use it?

Reverse psychology is based on a simple principle: to encourage a reluctant interlocutor to do something by suggesting that they do the opposite. This method of persuasion is based on the presupposition that the person, out of a spirit of contradiction, will do the opposite of what is asked of them. “A parent who assumes that their child will not spontaneously obey them can use reverse psychology by giving them a counter-command. The child can then violate the request to exercise his opposition but the parent will be satisfied because his true wish will be granted“, explains Dr Dominique Barbier, psychiatrist, psychoanalyst and author of “Hypernarcissism or ordinary psychosis”, published by Odile Jacob.

Manipulation: The spirit of contradiction, an ally of reverse psychology

Reverse psychology relies on psychological reactance, a psychological defense mechanism studied by Jack Brehm in the 1960s. Psychological reactance is a negative emotional reaction triggered when a person feels deprived of their freedom of choice and action. This deprivation awakens her spirit of contradiction and often motivates her to want to reestablish this freedom by acting contrary to what is asked of her. “It works especially in the character phases, during childhood and adolescence when young people are in full construction and there is naturally stronger opposition. If a person does not object, they will simply accept the initial direct request and there is no need to go through this manipulative and still questionable technique.“, adds Dr Barbier.

Child, friends, work… where do we find reverse psychology?

Reverse psychology can be used in a variety of contexts, from raising children to advertising to relationships with others. Here are some concrete examples of applications of reverse psychology:

• With the children : For parents, using reverse psychology can encourage their children to accomplish tasks that they are reluctant to do. Telling a child not to touch something can paradoxically increase their desire to touch it. Likewise, a parent might say to their child: “I bet you can't finish your homework before dinner“. The child, seeking to prove the opposite, will probably rush to finish his lessons.
• For commercial purposes : Marketers sometimes use reverse psychology to encourage a consumer to buy a product by saying, for example: “This product is not for everyone“. Advertising thus creates a feeling of exclusivity and desire in the customer.
• In social relations : Friends or relatives can use reverse psychology to influence decisions. For example : “You will never dare to talk to this person” can actually push the interlocutor to start a conversation. At the cinema, the choice of a film can give rise to debate. One can say: “I think you won't like this movie, so you better watch this one“. The other may want to find out more about the first film and perhaps even see it finally because he will have the impression of having made the decision alone.
• At work : A manager who would like an employee to agree to manage a new file, even though the employee has reservations, could say to him: “This project is quite complex and requires a lot of management skills. Maybe it's not the right time for you to take him on, given your other responsibilities“. The employee, stung, may want to demonstrate that he is capable of it.
• In therapy : “Some therapists may use reverse psychology with their patients, for example in the context of hypnosis. The therapist can thus use contradictory images or formulations to create confusion in the patient and lead him to think about himself. If the purpose is ethical and predefined in agreement with the patient, that does not pose a problem. Otherwise, you have to be wary“, warns Dr. Dominique Barbier.

What is reverse psychology in love? How to use it to turn the situation around in a relationship with a man or a woman?

Reverse psychology can also be used as a couple. The partner can use it to turn the situation around and get what they want. For example, a woman who regrets that her partner spends a lot of time with his friends could slip: “I know you love spending time with your friends on Saturdays. You should really continue dating them. Don't feel obligated to stay with me this weekend“. These words may trigger psychological reactance and her partner may want to show her that he also enjoys spending time with her. Here, reverse psychology is used in a relatively innocent and positive way, but reverse psychology can also be used in more harmful way.Perverts use this reverse psychology a lot. They can say for example: 'If I hadn't been there, poor thing, you would be lower than the earth'. They devalue the other with their words“, recalls the psychiatrist.

The limits and dangers of reverse psychology

While reverse psychology can be an effective method, it also carries risks and can have negative consequences. A child who refuses to do what his or her parent asks in this type of manipulation would be openly disobeying and could undermine the parent's authority. Used excessively or maliciously, this type of manipulation can lead to a feeling of betrayal, especially if the person being manipulated realizes the ploy. This can damage trust and relationships. “Constantly using reverse psychology may have a role in schizophrenia because the mode of communication used is aberrant. The person no longer knows what is expected of them“, adds Dr. Barbier. In addition, not all individuals react in the same way to this technique. Some people, particularly those who are not strongly contradictory, might simply follow the suggestions in response. reversed without feeling the need to prove the opposite.

How to counter reverse psychology?

Using reverse psychology doesn't always work. Some more lucid people may notice that the request is incoherent and will refuse to do what is asked. They can also choose meta-communication, that is to say, gaining height to question the other: “why are you telling me this?“, “This leads the interlocutor to explain or remain silent and puts an end to the technique“, underlines Dominique Barbier.

Tips for Learning to Use Reverse Psychology Ethically

To use this means of communication ethically, it is important to limit the practice of reverse psychology to situations where it can truly help, without causing harm or unnecessary stress. Make sure you understand the person's personality and potential reactions before using this technique.

Used ethically and very occasionally, reverse psychology can be a communication and persuasion tool. Understanding its mechanisms can not only help to apply it correctly, but also help protect against its potentially harmful uses.