Unrequited love: 4 tips from our psychologist for kindly dismissing others

Unrequited love: 4 tips from our psychologist for kindly dismissing others

Between two coffee breaks, your colleague recently confided to you that he had a crush on you. Problem: you absolutely don't feel the same way. How do you cope with this difficult situation? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, explains the procedure to follow.

Anyone who has ever been faced with (unreciprocated) romantic feelings knows how difficult the situation is. How can you not hurt the other person, who insists on sending fiery text messages, bouquets of flowers and other awkward compliments? How can we dismiss him skillfully, when he still has hope of a happy ending? Answers.

A delicate situation

He loves me but I don't, not easy! We are wrong to believe that it is simpler in this sense… Between empathy and respect, it is not easy to find the right balance! Above all, we don't accept all requests, coffees, dates under the guise of not wanting to hurt him.“, indicates, first of all, Amélie Boukhobza.

In other words, we do not give in to kindness to hide our potential guilt/discomfort.

Because by wanting to be kind, “we keep the other in a certain hope. And it's even worse… so honesty must prevail“, recalls the expert.

Then, to best manage the situation, several reflexes must be adopted.

Dismissing the other with skill: instructions for use

To end this pseudo relationship delicately, Amélie Boukhobza invites us to demonstrate frankness, respect and discretion:

  • We say things clearly and simply to avoid any misunderstanding. No “maybe later”ni de “It’s not you, it’s me who’s not ready…“. We rather favor “jI don't feel attracted to you”, cites, as an example, Amélie Boukhobza.
  • We can show empathy as “I know this may not be what you wanted to hear and I'm sorry if this hurts you.“, explains the specialist.
  • We set clear limits that we respectespecially if the other has difficulty respecting the own limits that the other sets for themselves (such as putting distance, cut ties or refrain from writing to you)“, underlines the psychologist.
  • Finally, we avoid these discussions in public or among friendsthat is to say that we absolutely avoid any humiliation, belittlement or other mockery. We prefer to speak in private, in a place where both partners feel comfortable and are not likely to be interrupted,” recalls the expert.

Most important ?

Remain consistent with the decision made and not send mixed signals that maintain ambiguity“, concludes Amélie Boukhobza.