We don't have to be perfect mothers, but good enough mothers

We don't have to be perfect mothers, but good enough mothers

She looks after him and takes care of him, takes him by the hand and shows him the world. She is a mother who is afraid and who becomes small in the face of that love, but who does everything to raise it to the fullest

There are those who go to war, out of insecurity or too much security. Who every day strives to reach that degree of perfection fixed in the mind and who, with courage, admits that even the best can make mistakes, every now and then. What is certain is that anxiety always reaches its peak when we come to terms with our role as mothers.

Because we are always afraid of making mistakes, because the judgment of others is around every corner, because the fear that one day, growing up, our children may not be proud of us paralyzes us. Yet we are all united by the same mission: to do everything possible to raise our children in the best possible way.

Yet there is one thing that many mothers still miss: the little ones are not looking for perfect mothers, but happy, or good enough, according to Donald Woods Winnicott.

The British pediatrician and psychoanalyst introduced the concept of a good enough mother by contrasting it with the perfect one. Winnicott's is an imperfect mother, but no less capable of taking care of her children. Indeed, it is precisely his spontaneity, authentic and unique, and also made up of mistakes, that allows the child to grow in a healthy and concrete way.

According to the profile outlined by the British pediatrician and psychoanalyst, what children need is the presence of a parent who is able to grow and rediscover himself together with his child. A woman who embraces the natural and inevitable changes of motherhood, albeit with fears, which she is able to face with love, right together with the child.

She looks after him and takes care of him, takes him by the hand and shows him the world and, again, tunes in with him to understand him and to satisfy his needs. It is the mother who becomes small and identifies herself in an unknown world with creativity.

Obviously Winnicot's theories are also applicable to dads. In fact, there is no manual that teaches how to become perfect parents, and even if there were, probably this would not make children happy. To be good enough parents you need to accept fears and worries, tiredness and moments of crisis, because they are inevitable and natural.

Making mistakes is human, and it is also human for mothers and fathers. But it's the way you approach mistakes that makes the difference.

Read also

  • Who are the secret mothers. And because it is their right to be
  • Organized parents are happier. Here are the points to follow
  • War between mothers: it's time to stop
  • The day I stopped judging mothers
  • How to breastfeed correctly: the midwife's advice for peaceful breastfeeding

Tag: Moms

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