Do you know the “captain's method”? Imagined by an American Internet user, this method aims to distribute responsibilities according to each person's skills. The objective? Reduce conflicts and arguments in a couple.
On TikTok, an American Internet user named Cassidy Skelton discusses a method that seems to work to avoid arguments and lighten the mental load: the captain's method. In a video with 1.4 million views, this TikToker shares her little tip. “(We) apply the so-called 'Captain' technique“, she explains. “Every area of our life is managed by a captain and if you are the captain, you make all the decisions while the other listens“.
@cassidyskelton @Nic Haldezos ♬ original sound – Cassidy Skelton
Rely on each person’s skills
To implement this method, each partner must determine the areas in which they have strengths, whether it is household chores, cooking, shopping or even vacation reservations. He then becomes the “captain”, the master on board, the one who makes decisions in this area. “The other just has to follow and listen“, explains the TikToker.
Taking an example from her own couple, she indicates that it is her fiancé who takes care of the management of their apartment, while she is responsible for paying the rent: “For example, Nick is the captain of the rental. He interacts with the landlord while I am the captain of our finances, so I pay the rent. We do it this way because he's better at communicating with owners – it stresses me out when I do – and I'm better at finances“.
A reduction in potential conflicts
This sharing of daily tasks aims to balance responsibilities within the couple. “If our child wakes up in the middle of the night and needs both parents, the captain wakes the other person and tells them what to do“, illustre Cassidy Skelton.
This way, only one person at a time has to think. The partners assign each other the areas in which they are most comfortable, in order to avoid any conflict or contradiction. In short, each domain has its “captain”.
Be careful to agree on sharing at the start
According to Paul Brunson, international relations expert at Tinder, contacted by Metro UK, the “captain method” is an excellent way to reduce the number of arguments in a relationship. “Relationship Captains are a great way to help people take control of what they are good at and show love and support to their partner“, he explains.
“We all lead busy lives, and having a more defined role in your relationship – whether it's taking care of household chores, planning parties, or managing household finances – can go a long way. help relieve life stress and reduce arguments naturally“.
However, it is crucial to have an upstream discussion before deciding between these areas, so that the one who does not carry out the mental load does not end up frustrated or, conversely, one of the two abuses the mental load. “technique of incompetence” to do as little as possible.
