Never have toxic relationships been so dissected. Moreover, the couple that we describe as “firedooring” is particularly bad (at least for one of the partners), here's why.
More and more anglicisms have developed to describe couple relationships. You are probably familiar with ghosting, this attitude which consists of ignoring others from one day to the next, without giving them the slightest explanation for their silence. Or even “love bombing”, which aims to put the other under your control, from the first days of the relationship. There is also “firedooring” which also describes a less than commendable attitude as a couple.
“Firedooring” or the one-way relationship, or almost
The term “firedooring” comes from the union of two English words: “fire” which means fire and “door”, the door. The word therefore refers, originally, to fire doors found in public buildings and which only open in one direction.
You have understood, in love, the term describes the couple relationship where one of the two partners gives a lot and invests in the relationship, while the other will only do so at certain opportune moments.
A relationship that lacks investment
In a relationship like this, balance and reciprocity are two missing variables. However, these are essential values in the couple, because the investment of both parties is essential for the relationship to work.
In “firedooring”, one member of the couple is only interested in the other when it is of interest to him. Suffice to say that this is a characteristic trait of a toxic relationship.
How do you know if you are in this type of relationship?
Far from being harmless, a relationship of this kind causes a drop in self-esteem and an increase in daily anxiety. It is therefore important to realize if you are in a relationship that could meet this definition, in order to end it. Here are the points that predominate in a “firedoring” type relationship.
- There is a lack of reciprocity from your partner: you invest in your relationship, but in return, you receive little from your spouse. In addition, the latter gives you little evidence of his commitment and does not take your expectations or needs into account;
- Your partner exercises some sort of control over you: for example, he or she leaves the relationship for several weeks before returning. On the other hand, for your part, you owe him attention and commitment, even if you are not entitled to it from him.
- As explained before, this type of relationship is not without consequences. A relationship where the partner is not completely committed gradually destroys self-esteem, but also self-confidence. Over time, you end up getting used to the idea that you are not that important, since your partner does not give you any consideration and does not invest in the relationship.
Here are the steps to take to get out of this relationship
Once you've identified your relationship as “firedooring,” it's time to review the rules or even end it, especially if it's hurting you. But that can be harder said than done… Here are the steps to follow:
- Once you have become aware of the situation, the most relevant thing is to talk about it with your partner. By telling him how you feel, it can help him realize the impact of his behavior on you;
- This discussion will also be an opportunity to remind him of your expectations and to set limits. Remind him or her that you will no longer be available to him or her whenever he or she wants you to be;
- Learn to take care of yourself, by refocusing on outside activities, with friends, for example. It is also an opportunity to get out of this “bubble” that is your toxic relationship and to see people who will support you;
- Finally, if despite everything, the relationship does not change, it is necessary to consider a separation, in order to put an end to this situation and envisage a more balanced relationship.
