Did you know ? A clumsy sentence, if repeated regularly, can lead to the couple's downfall. Explanations.
Did you think this sentence was harmless? Error. As a couple, an inappropriate word or a misinterpreted sentence can quickly create tension. However, if most pass without creating damage, others, more violent, deeply damage your relationship. How can we communicate better in this case? And above all, which sentence should no longer be said? Let's do a check in.
Position yourself as a victim to stop the conflict
According to Jennifer Gerlach, psychologist, one sentence in particular should be avoided to prevent your discussions from turning sour:
This sentence is generally: “Don't hurt me“. But it comes in different ways too, we also frequently hear: “Don't hurt me“, “You are hurting me” or “You upset me deeply“…., explains the expert.
In fact, these sentences are guilt-inducing and place the sender of these terms as a victim.
The advantage of this posture? It allows us to avoid taking responsibility and places the other at fault.
“This sends the message that the person cannot handle a given situation and that the person on the other side trying to communicate would be cruel to continue“, further specifies Jennifer Gerlach.
However, if this type of behavior allows the argument to be stopped dead in its tracks, it does not allow dialogue to be opened and the underlying problems to be resolved.
Behavior that can lead to separation
By systematically making the other responsible, this victimization behavior can lead to the couple's downfall. Indeed, when one partner constantly adopts this posture, the other can quickly become emotionally exhausted.
This unbalanced dynamic can then create a feeling of weariness and frustration.
“People use guilt to avoid talking directly about a problem. This allows them to get what they want without having to engage in direct conflict” concludes the specialist.
