In an Instagram post, a child psychologist reveals how she lets her pre-teen manage in certain situations and why it is important not to always intervene when our children make mistakes. A good reminder for worried and omnipresent parents!
“This morning, my 12-year-old son left for school without his jacket, despite seeing that it was cool, and I didn’t catch him.” The anecdote may be surprising, but it comes from an American child psychologist who knows exactly what she is doing.
Let him face the difficulties according to his measure
If this psychologist and mother refrained from covering her child, it is because she saw in this situation the opportunity to transmit an important notion of autonomy, particularly at her age. “He had time to get his jacket, he had what he needed in his room, I wasn't going to stop his bus or run to his room to get it.”
And this, for a reason that worried parents often forget: learning and managing difficulties.
“My job as a parent is not to remove all the obstacles that will be in my child's way. My job as a parent is to teach him that he is not only capable of dealing with this obstacle, of learn from your mistake but also make your own decisions in the future.”
Instead of running to get the said jacket, she simply said when the bus arrived: “Don't worry, it's a little chilly, but you'll be fine.” and thus saw his teenager leave with confidence and without panic.
Preventing yourself from intervening promotes independence and confidence
In her post, the psychologist develops her message, particularly aimed at parents who are a little too protective.
“It's important to let our children struggle sometimes. Why? Resilience is built in times of struggle. So if we want our children to learn to get through difficult times – instead of falling apart, avoid challenges or waiting for someone else to solve the problem – we must resist “jumping in” or “saving the day”.”
So, if you want to instill resilience and independence in your child and convey to him the idea that he is capable of managing more and more things in his life, chomp at the bit: let him make mistakes (all watching from afar, of course!)
This is true at all ages, and especially important as children enter preadolescence and adolescence.
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