At a time when blended families are becoming more and more numerous, the question arises of how to organize holidays with your new XXL tribe. For most, it's obvious, holidays are together! But for Elise, Pierre and their children, going away as a blended family is over! The young mother shares her reasons…
For single-parent families, a new life begins when the mother or father gets back together. From now on, the family is called blended. The new couple is joined by the child or children of each spouse. And very quickly, the small basic family turns into a tribe where everyone must find their place according to the rhythm of childcare arrangements. And when summer comes, the question of vacation logistics arises. The vast majority of these new blended families choose to take 1, 2, or even 3 weeks of vacation together.
Elise*, 39, a school teacher in the Ile de France region, in a blended relationship with Pierre*, 45, a salesperson, also tried the experience… before changing her mind! She tells us about it.
Getting to know each other, managing tensions and arguments as a group of 5…
“Four years ago, just before the Covid crisis, I got back together with Pierre, my neighbour. At the time, he was the father of Lola*, a 9-year-old girl, and mine, Sacha* and Clémentine*, were 6 and 5 years old. We quickly introduced everyone to each other, because we felt that our story, which was sincere, was set to last. The lockdown allowed us to spend a lot of time together, all five of us. Being neighbours, it was easy! In the evening, everyone went home. The girls always wanted to see each other, but sometimes argued, and this caused tensions between us, the parents. The next day, they wanted to spend time together again, but we adults hadn't had time to digest the tensions! It took a long time (I would say… 2 years!) for each of us to find our place in this new trio.
I imagined ourselves living all together under the same roof in a big house…
From the beginning of our relationship, Pierre was very clear: he would not want any more children, nor share his roof with a new woman and her offspring. At the time, this had pained me a little, me who imagined rebuilding my life with a man and his children, living in a perfect blended family, in a big house… In hindsight, I will never thank him enough for having curbed my ardor! I think that if we are so good together today it is because we do not live the daily life of the other with his children. We enjoy quality time together, when our daughters are with their other parents (we made sure to be aligned with the weeks of custody), and when one or the other has his/her child(ren) at home, we do not see each other (or quickly, the luck of being neighbors!).
Blended family vacations: a disastrous experience!
The holidays… The first time we went away, 5 of us, for four days in Normandy. It went pretty well, but we couldn't avoid a few tensions. An argument between the children, and now we want to defend our offspring without showing the other that we want to defend one or the other… The other's child behaves in a way that bothers us, we don't dare say anything and we are angry with the other for not saying anything… We have each time returned from our “little” holidays with very good memories but also some resentment (quickly forgotten, fortunately!). And then, there was one time too many. We had gotten carried away imagining a superb holiday in the sun, two weeks, all five of us, in a large villa with a swimming pool. What a DISASTER! We all nearly killed each other during the stay, and I sincerely thought that we were going to separate when we returned to France. Fortunately, as soon as we got back, our daughters each went their separate ways with their other respective parent. We got together, talked a lot and came to the conclusion that living with each other's children on a daily basis, despite the affection we have for them, is too difficult, if not impossible for us. Similarly, imposing the presence of another “family” on our children was not fair. He and I wanted to live a love story, but our children did not want anything, did not choose anything…
Everyone goes on vacation with their children… a way to preserve our love
This way of working (each at home, separate holidays) allows us both to have a unique and special relationship with our respective children. Today, we have found our balance. We do not rule out another holiday as a family of five, but for a short period of time and with some solo time with our respective children during the stay. We fully assume our choice, as well as that of not living together, because we know that it is ideal for us. The best way to preserve our love.
Our secret: long separate family vacations, romantic getaways and short moments together
I go away almost every school holiday alone with the girls (well, very often with friends and their children, or my family, rarely alone). We go away for 1 full week as a couple per year, plus 3 or 4 weekends. Of course, we still spend time together, all five of us, some weekends, but never for too long: a trip to the cinema, a bike ride, a day at the beach… Our experience has shown us that these moments together as a fivesome are all the more enjoyable when they are short! Our holiday programme for this summer: no joint holidays as a group of 5. I'm going away for 2 weeks with the girls in Brittany. And with Pierre, we're taking 1 week in Italy”.
*First names have been changed
