During an argument with your partner, you are generally very angry and you can easily say things that you will regret. What are these phrases that you should definitely not say, because they could jeopardize your relationship? TipsForWomens takes stock with Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist.
When we argue, we tend to want to say things to hurt our partner or give them a sort of “electric shock”. But these sentences, uttered in haste, can not only hurt, but also endanger your relationship in the long run. Which ones are they?
“There’s nothing to get upset about.”
When we argue, it’s often for a good reason. So hearing your partner say that there is nothing to get upset about is often the straw that breaks the camel’s back! “Minimizing the other’s anger almost amounts to denying it, which makes the other person feel that it is not legitimate to get angry about it. explains Johanna Rozenblum.
“I always do everything, you never help me”
Putting “always” and “never” in reproachful sentences during an argument is never a good sign. “This type of sentence places the blame on the other, we extract ourselves from the conflict to place the responsibility on the other, which is not very responsible” indique Johanna Rozenblum.
“I’m sorry if…”
If the sentence sounds like an apology, in reality it is not. “By putting an if, we shift the blame onto the other, believing that it is their behavior that is wrong” underlines the psychologist.
“I’m tired of you, it’s over between us”
Be careful not to tell the other person that the relationship is over, if you don’t really mean it. “This type of sentence can not only hurt the other, but also potentially push them to put a definitive end to the relationship on their side. note l’expert.
“You look like your mother/father”
When discussing as a couple, it is better to avoid involving a third person, even for comparison. In addition to hurting the other, “this risks exposing him further, because it affects those close to him.” adds the psychologist.
How to discuss constructively during an argument?
To interact positively with your partner, you must instead use non-violent communication (NVC). “To do this, you need to use sentences like, “I hear what you’re telling me, come on, let’s sit down and find a solution.” This does not prevent us from exposing the difficulties we encounter with others.” explains Johanna Rozenblum.
“It can also be: “I hear your share of difficulties, here is mine. I am capable of taking this path, to promote our exchanges, what would you be ready to do on your side?” For example” explains the expert again. With the aim of not ruining your relationship over a few words spoken without thinking about it.