It is not always easy to maintain a good relationship with your parents. And even if this observation is sometimes difficult to admit, there are certain signs that are unmistakable. Here are six deciphered by our expert psychologist, Siyana Mincheva.
As the saying goes: you choose your friends, not your family. And it’s not always easy to get along with your parents. Yet, “our education and the way we were raised play a very important role in our construction as a human being” believes psychologist Siyana Mincheva.
“We learn to operate according to our models. We realize, once we become adults, the love that has been given to us or, on the contrary, the deprivation of love from our parents.”. What are the signs that you have a difficult relationship with your parents? Here are six.
These are parents who control you
Whether it was the way you dressed as a teenager or later the choice of your partner: your parents never approved of your decisions. “This happens when parents want their child to be perfect, so that they can choose for them.” explained Siyana Mincheva. “This is a sign of parental toxicity, because by doing this they want to exert control over you.”.
According to the expert, this excessive parental control does not let you develop confidence and does not allow you to learn from your mistakes. “It also shows their demands on you and the fact that they are never satisfied with your choices” she analyzes.
You are not yourself in front of your parents
If you have to play a role and pretend to be comfortable in front of your parents, it shows a fear of their authority. “This is a sign that you are under the influence of your parents and that you are afraid to assert yourself with them” says the psychologist.
You feel strong guilt
“If your parents criticized you too much, judged you too much and had very high expectations, this shows that there is a problem in your relationship.” indicates the specialist. And that’s (probably) where the feeling of guilt comes from, from this constant devaluation, according to Siyana Mincheva.
You have experienced hostile communication
You cannot communicate calmly with your parent. “This follows poor communication during childhood, usually” indicates the psychologist. “When the parent uses shouting, force or ignorance towards their child, all this creates a destabilizing relationship, once an adult..
You were abused by your parents
Abuse is not necessarily physical. “Abuse can also be psychological with the use of blackmail or manipulation to deprive the child of his freedom of expression or deprive him of a leisure or activity, for example.. This way of proceeding creates discomfort in interactions with one’s parent, which continues into adulthood.
You had emotionally unavailable parents
Relationships with others are more complicated for those who grew up with emotionally unavailable parents. “They are adults deprived of the love of their own parents” indicates the psychologist. “Thereafter, they do not know how to protect their own children from their injuries” concludes the expert.
