Nowadays, having a smooth romantic relationship becomes perilous. With dating apps, some suitors allow themselves to disappear overnight, while others, more malicious, now have the annoying tendency to consider their conquest as a second choice. And it has a name: it is benching. We explain to you.
A text here, a text there. And then, nothing. Your suitor disappears into the wild as if by magic. Dating isn’t always easy, especially when your new lover starts texting you when you least expect it. The signals seem contradictory: your lover seems interested and yet he does not commit. If this kind of scenario reminds you of something, know that you are a victim of “benching”. This is the case if in this context, the person does not wish to formalize your relationship and pays you attention as soon as it pleases him.
The eternal second (choice)
Taken from English sports vocabulary, the term “benching” literally means “to put someone on the sidelines.” It is normally used to refer to sports players on the substitute bench. And in love, that means the person you’re flirting with sees you as their second choice until they find someone else. After “ghosting”, or even “gophering”, “benching” is the new unhealthy trend in the world of dating.
According to Jade Thomas, psychotherapist and founder of Luxe Psychology Practice, benching can happen for a number of reasons. “This can happen if individuals are afraid or unwilling to fully commit to a relationship, so they want to keep their options open,” she says. It can also happen when someone just doesn’t have enough feelings to commit to you, but they like having you around in case other relationships don’t work out,” she says. at Stylist UK.
Benching: how to spot the signs?
But how to spot the signals of “benching”? One of the signs that is supposed to give you a clue is the sudden drop in trading. You no longer receive messages or calls from your conquest without too much explanation. Then once you want to move on to another chapter, that person restarts the conversation as if nothing had happened. And it can become a burden in the long run if another person interests you. Another worrying sign: you had a hard time resisting him, hence the ease of this person coming back into your life.
Tina Wilson, relationship expert and founder of Wingman sought out by Glamor UK, explains: “Blinded by your feelings, even though you know it’s wrong, if you truly love this person, you will keep going back and picking up where you left off until the inevitable happens again. ” In order to prevent the situation from repeating itself, it is recommended to set your limits. For example, you can directly confront the person by message or call, and put an end to your exchanges. Because the longer the “benching” lasts, the more it risks injuring you.