In addition to the suffering and feeling of failure that can follow a breakup, this very special event can also bring its share of benefits and introspection necessary for a better life. Johanna Rozenblum, clinical psychologist, discusses with us the good sides of a separation.
A romantic breakup is rarely a happy event: whether it is the result of a reflection between two people, chosen or suffered, it puts an end to a relationship in which we had, at least at one moment, placed hopes or hopes. projects. But if the breakup is often experienced negatively (with tears, dark thoughts and ruminations in front of a tub of ice cream), it can also be the ideal time to take stock and enjoy yourself a little more.
A moment to lighten the mind
Thus according to the English expert and actress Rosie Wilby, author of the podcast The Breakup Monologues (The Breakup Monologues), the breakup would also be a source of benefits. In a video relayed by the BBC, the specialist also emphasizes the freedom that the suddenly single person probably lacked. No more mental load linked to the other, no more stress for both, the breakup would therefore be the way to think about yourself and do what you want when you want.
Valuable data today to flourish, confirmed by psychologist Johanna Rozenblum, member of our committee of experts. “It is true that after the suffering, there is this small benefit, this sometimes feeling of lightness which returns: we have less to take on ourselves, less to adjust our behavior according to the needs of the other. We are free to become only ourselves again if that was no longer the case in the relationship, we see our friends more”. A feeling of lightness that can take the form of breathing.
The moment for an honest observation about your past relationship
But for our expert, the moment following a separation is above all an opportunity to take an honest look at your relationship. “A breakup is a painful moment, but it is also an opportunity to see what we managed to create in this couple, how we also managed to exist, what worked and what malfunctioned. Did the private sphere spill over into other spheres? Was she too intrusive? These are necessary questions to learn in the future, in a future story, to make the three major spheres of life coexist: intimate, social and professional sphere and what place the couple should have in it to feel good.
Knowing yourself more as a reward
Finally, keep your confidence: this passage, as unpleasant as it may be, also allows you to learn about yourself, our expert tells us. “It is thus, by thinking back on everything that has been experienced that we can learn, how we devote ourselves to others, how we exist with others, and the opportunity to calmly see what they are “It is important to work so as not to fall back into our faults. What are our own aspirations and how can we move towards a relationship that will suit us better in the future?”
A learning experience whatever it may be. The breakup is a stage, not really an end. “There is always something to learn during a separation, whether about yourself or about “self with the other”. We therefore generally come out of it grown” reassures our expert.