We always look forward to it, but also with a touch of stress: the first meeting with the desired person. But what are the “red flags” to spot, these signs that show us that we need to put an end to this person as quickly as possible? The answers of Siyana Mincheva, psychologist.
With smartphones and social networks, nothing could be easier to communicate with strangers. And after a few written or oral exchanges, sooner or later the moment of the real meeting will come. What are the signs to look out for to know if the person in front of you is someone you should avoid? Here they are in detail.
He or she only talks about himself (or herself)
“When we talk about ourselves all the time, it means that we take on a lot of importance, and in this case, this is the case from the start of the relationship.” note Siyana Mincheva. “This shows a lack of listening to the person opposite. We can then have the impression that the person is not listening to us, but rather listening to themselves speak.“For the psychologist, a person of this type has such a need to show off that they risk neglecting dialogue and communication as a couple.
He or she asks too many questions
On the contrary, it shows that a person is interested. “She wants to learn about ourselves, and that can be positive” explains our expert. “But be careful, some people go too far and can be too intrusive. Be careful, you must remain concise in your answers, and not say too much, especially in the context of a first meeting. We can feel good, give short and authentic answers, but we must not be too naive, at the risk of it turning against us.”
He or she only talks about his or her problems
“This is really something toxic“considers the psychologist.”The person is so anxious that they only talk about what is wrong, this can only ruin a first date, by creating an atmosphere of uneasiness and embarrassment.”
He or she is doing too much
This is the ego speaking, for our expert and it is also a toxic sign. “By showing what they have, the person wants to compare themselves to us indirectly” she explains. “This affects the material side, but this aspect has nothing to do with feelings, love, tenderness… Which are things that cannot be bought.” rightly recalls Siyana Mincheva.
He or she puts you down (or others)
If the person puts you (or others) down, there is something cruel behind it. “If on a first date the person tries to put you down based on the information you give them, that’s a clear sign to move on.” confirms the specialist. To flee immediately, therefore.
He or she is on his or her phone
On a first date, or even a typical date, one person wants to spend time with the other person. “There, if her attention is on her phone, it is because she puts this object first, because it is more important to her. This is a person who neglects real interactions in favor of the virtual“.
He or she talks bad about his or her ex
For Siyana Mincheva, a person who speaks badly about her ex is because she has not digested the breakup. “In addition, in the context of a new romantic meeting, this is certainly not the time to bring up this subject and even less in an inappropriate manner.” underlines the expert. “The person opposite must realize this and tell themselves that this is not the person they should get involved with, because they have not moved on.“
He or she behaves badly with others (restaurant waiters for example)
A person who behaves like this feels omnipotent, which is toxic. “She thinks she can control everything and that what she says is the truth“It is also a form of disrespect, and the person opposite must be challenged by this type of behavior and ask themselves if they wish to engage in this type of relationship.
He or she is lying
This is linked to the type of profile of the narcissistic pervert. “These people, to satisfy themselves, need to manipulate through lies. It’s a very small part of this “game” which will gradually be put in place, to manipulate the other person directly.”. As soon as we notice these lies, it is better to cut the relationship short, believes the psychologist.
He or she consumes a lot of alcohol
When there is an addiction, you cannot create a couple or a family. “Addiction, whatever it may be, risks ruining the couple and the future family later. As soon as you notice signs of addiction, you should trust your intuition and end the relationship” advises the specialist.