How do you recognize someone who has had a “complicated” childhood? Easy to identify, here are 12 characteristics that reveal a painful past.
Growing up in a difficult environment often has a profound impact on the child, so much so that in adulthood, certain traces are still clearly visible. Indeed, personal development expert Adrian Volenik explains to the HackSpirit media that these people then tend to develop many specificities that can harm their relationships. The specialist presents twelve of them, clearly indicative that a person suffered a painful childhood.
1) She has low self-esteem
When a child grows up in an unstable environment, he may have received a lot of criticism about his behavior or appearance from his parents or those close to him. By being confronted with these kinds of remarks, he becomes convinced of it and his self-esteem then takes a hit. By growing up with this vision of himself, the individual in question maintains, into adulthood, a negative perception of himself and has difficulty identifying his strengths.
2) She constantly seeks approval from others
Having faced criticism since early childhood induces in a person a constant need for approval: both in the professional and personal environment! Indeed, seeking external validation is a way to benefit from compliments, which she was not able to benefit from when she was younger.
3) She has trouble trusting
Having been confronted with criticism and little support during their childhood, this type of person often has difficulty believing that they could be given any later. As a result, she constantly questions the intentions and motivations of the people around her, and never gives herself 100%.
4) She is afraid of abandonment
The fear of abandonment often stems from the feeling of having been pushed aside during childhood. Thus, this type of person is afraid of the idea that their loved ones could in turn abandon them at any time. This then results in a constant need to be reassured, which can affect the person's behavior, choices and relationships.
5) She has difficulty creating relationships
When you have already suffered from certain relationships, it is logical to be afraid and to feel vulnerable at the idea of suffering the next ones. Someone who has had a difficult childhood tends to protect themselves for fear of being hurt again. To do this, he avoids creating deep connections with others and tries to hide his emotions. This withdrawal behavior becomes an obstacle to any serious relationship.
However, we must remember that weakness and vulnerability are key elements in creating real connections with people.
6) Pleasing others is one of his priorities
Having suffered from the little attention they received as children, these individuals place a lot of importance on and enjoy pleasing others. By wanting too much to do well for others, they sometimes forget themselves and once again place themselves in second place. Thus, they seek to be appreciated and to avoid being rejected or criticized again.
7) She avoids conflicts at all costs
A difficult childhood can mean a lot of conflict. Results: as adults they stay away from it and protect themselves from it as much as they can. However, this behavior is a form of denial which makes it more difficult for them to assert themselves and express their needs.
8) She has difficulty expressing her emotions
When someone experiences an unhappy childhood, they often unconsciously repress their emotions in an attempt to protect themselves from negative and painful feelings. He therefore has difficulty showing his affection to those close to him and sometimes appears insensitive, even if deep down he cares deeply about them.
9) She is incapable of setting limits for herself
A person who was used to having their boundaries not respected or understood when they were young will have difficulty refusing services to others. The reason ? This difficulty is often due to the fact that she does not know how to define what is acceptable or not. It is therefore essential that this type of person learns to make boundaries clear in order to benefit from healthier relationships.
10) It reduces your chances of succeeding
With a complicated past, we sometimes think that our success is undeserved. Some people, convinced that they do not have the right to happiness, go so far as to self-sabotage. However, it is necessary to recognize this type of behavior and challenge it.
11) She struggles with intimacy
To get to the point about difficulty trusting, a person who has had a complicated childhood may have difficulty with intimate relationships. Indeed, this type of relationship also involves expressing one's emotions, being able to speak openly and opening up to others. If a person who has suffered in the past slows down on these points, they will have difficulty establishing intimate connections.
Good in his body, good in his head!
12) She is addicted to certain substances
To overcome the pain they suffer, some people use substances such as drugs or alcohol. The goal ? Run away and forget your negative thoughts for a moment. They have the impression that it will help them feel better, but addiction is never a good thing! Better to learn to deal with problems at the root!
