Tempted to “put the cover back” with an ex lover? Don’t you risk regretting it, even suffering, since the story has already ended at least once? Johanna Rozeblum psychologist, tries to answer this thorny question.
If the strange idea of getting back together with your ex is on your mind, know that you are not alone: according to statistics, “recoupling”, as it is called, would affect 37% of people who have been in couple. However, this decision would lead to a lasting relationship in only 12% of cases. You have been warned!
Why do you get back together with your ex?
There are many reasons to return to an ex-spouse, not all reasonable, but often sincere. Among them, of course, we find the habit, the comfort: this ex, we already know him or her with his faults, but also his qualities which charm us. This may seem less difficult than moving towards novelty.
Other reasons may come into play: thus, according to a phenomenon that stems from nostalgia, we often tend to forget the bad times past to recall good memories. Emotional lack can also play a role in reconnecting with this ex, who was not so bad after all.
Finally, in some relationships, the end of a story has come about because of bad timing, an external reason, an imperative, and reviving this story could well be the right path for both of you. So why deprive yourself of it?
Good idea or not, a question of flattening
However, should we take the plunge and return to an ex? Is it a good idea when a breakup has already taken place, sometimes for good reasons? For some, the break is a deal breaker. For others, there is much to discuss.
For our psychologist Johanna Rozenblum, however, the limit is less drastic:
“Actually, there is no rule! But there is necessarily a discussion or reflection on the program. If the breakup followed major differences or a loss of love, it will be necessary to understand what leads to getting back together with your ex. But if the couple, after talking about the breakup to understand what went wrong, finds a common desire to recreate the bond and build a common future, then it will be possible to move forward by learning lessons from the past. The central question remaining, do I have a feeling of love or am I nostalgic for what our relationship was like?
A legitimate question, which arises when one leaves a rather balanced relationship. Of course, if you are coming out of a toxic, violent relationship or the victim of a narcissistic pervert, the answer is and will remain “No, it’s definitely not a good idea”.