Why do some parents (always) make excuses for their children?

Why do some parents (always) make excuses for their children?

The custody of Karine Le Marchand’s daughter for driving under the influence of drugs was revealed in the press. The latter rushed to come and defend her daughter. Why do some parents have the need to defend their child, against all odds? Insights from Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist.

Alya, the daughter of Karine Le Marchand, spent 26 hours at the police station, in police custody, after a roadside check during which she tested positive for cannabis. The 21-year-old was quickly defended by her mother, who posted a vehement message on Instagram.

No ban on driving, according to Karine Le Marchand

In 2021, half of the adult population reports having already used cannabis. My daughter is 21, and unfortunately for the scavengers, she doesn’t drink, doesn’t do cocaine, isn’t the “star girl” you want to see fail.” denounces the presenter of Love is in the meadow.

“She actually started a protocol for stopping the cannabis and eat substitute sweets“. Before adding: “She has never been banned from driving. She was going shopping at my request, her saliva test came back positive and she was taken into custody.”.

Why do parents sometimes defend their children in such situations?

For Karine Le Marchand, her daughter is not at fault. However, she committed an offense. Why is she defending her? Is it visceral for a parent to defend their child? Or is there a form of shame or denial about the mistakes or “stupidities” that our own children can make?

Questioned, psychologist Amélie Boukhobza gives us her point of view. For her, “Parents are often capable of defending the worst in their children and this can be understood in several ways” she analyzes.

The primary mission of a parent is to protect their child, whatever the conditions. Just watch the fights between children at the park. Stay there for a while and you’ll often see parents defending their own and berating others’..” she notes with a touch of amusement. Is there a visceral need to defend your child? Probably, estimates the expert, “even more so when you are a mother, who has carried her child. Or perhaps it is a form of blindness by the maternal love that we have for our child…”

Some parents also engage in a form of denial

Furthermore the “ostrich policy also exists” adds Amélie Boukhobza. “It is a form of denial: the parent refuses to see or accept the reality of their child’s actions, minimizing the seriousness of the situation or avoiding facing the potential consequences..

What are the reasons for this attitude? “It may be motivated by fear of social judgement, shame, or an inability to deal with the stress and anxiety caused by the idea that their child may have done something serious” estimates the expert. “It is a way of seeking at all costs to give an acceptable meaning to the unacceptable, and thus maintain a positive image of one’s child, by extension of the family and therefore of oneself as a parent. she concludes.