As soon as you speak, does your partner ignore you or nod half-heartedly? A few adjustments can help you correct your situation and (finally) learn to communicate better. Update with Amélie Boukobza, clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst.
Communication is the basis of any relationship. It allows the couple to continue, to explain themselves, to start off on a good basis. It also creates a climate of trust, where each partner feels welcomed. However, it happens that this communication is broken: the other person no longer hears what we are saying to them. To remedy this lack of listening and restore harmony, here are four respectful ways to make yourself heard.
Although this tip seems simplistic on paper, it is nevertheless essential.
“You need to challenge your partner in a positive way. Promoting it also often turns out to be effective“, recognizes Amélie Boukobza, clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst.
Say I rather than you
“You never listen to me, you’re annoying…” It’s difficult to want to listen to the other, when he starts his speech with “you” full of reproaches. Conversely, by saying “I”, that is to say by talking about ourselves, about what bothers us in the behavior of the other, the message is much less aggressive. In short: we transform “You are really annoying” with “I am annoyed or disappointed.”
“The “I” rather than “you” method is extremely effective. We can also try to make the other person speak, rather than speaking“, confides the clinical psychologist.
Do not attack him head-on
It is one of the bases of fulfilling and serene communication. Concretely, instead of saying “I don’t want your mother to come to our house this weekend“, we go through another way, like: “I rather want us to spend some time together.”.
“It is advisable here not to rush forward and engage head-on in the discussion, but rather to look for a sideways bias.‘”, reveals the expert.
Don’t blame him
The other advice from our expert psychologist: Do not criticize others.
“When starting a discussion, you have to turn the sentences so as not to reproach the other person.“, she advises.
What if all these solutions don’t work?
If the companion is not in a listening posture, despite the openness and positivity offered to him, in this case, we must get down to business.
“I recommend doing things on his side, which will mark our absence“, recommends Amélie Boukobza.
In this way, the other will no longer have a choice: they will have to react.