An Italian mother obtained from the courts the expulsion of her two sons, aged 42 and 40, from her home. This unusual story illustrates the importance of leaving home at a certain age. Explanations from Dr Céline Tran, psychiatrist in Paris.
This 75-year-old Italian mother took an unprecedented approach: faced with the refusal of her sons, aged 40 and 42, to leave the family home, she took legal action to obtain their eviction. A story reported by the local newspaper La Provincia Pavese.
Children who participated neither in financial burdens nor in household chores
If the Italian “mamma” reached this extreme, it is because her sons, having a stable job, did not contribute in any way to the household expenses. They also did not help him with household chores, on the contrary adding extra work to him, through their “adolescent” behavior.
Before going to court, the mother tried for several years to convince them to leave the family home, in vain. At the end of her tether, the mother decided to turn to justice and summoned her two children.
The judge then agreed with him: if staying at home could at the beginning “seem justified“, since it was based on “the maintenance obligation incumbent on the parent”that “no longer appears justifiable today“, given the age of the two men. They therefore have until December 18 to leave the family nest.
Why is it important to leave the family cocoon at a certain age?
Asked about this story, Dr Tran recalls the importance of leaving the parents’ home at a certain age. “This is an important step that must be taken in order to gain independence and autonomy.” she says first. Because in fact, we don’t realize what managing a household on a daily basis means, when we are not directly confronted with it. “Obviously, these two men were doing nothing to help their mother, so they had no responsibility. However, it is essential to be confronted with this, to gain self-confidence, to know yourself better while facing the trials of life” she emphasizes again.
Be careful not to overprotect your children
Dr. Tran also discusses the role of parents in this situation. “When you chew out everything from your child, you are not pushing him towards independence. He is not faced with any frustration: no bills to pay, meals to prepare, laundry to wash, cleaning to do nor shopping… Everything is done by the parents, so why leave home?” she asks.
For her, the child must gradually be given responsibility, depending on his age. “It starts young, by making him or her make his or her bed, clearing the table, then later, as a teenager, helping to do the shopping for example or even helping the household by paying certain bills, once an adult, when he or she has a salary… Children have rights but also duties, towards their parents, this must not be forgotten” adds the specialist. So many little things that will prepare the child for the reality of life… And that will surely make him want to leave the nest.