Are you going through a somewhat difficult time with your child, and you no longer count the small explosive conflicts? However, there is a phrase that can put out the fire and at the same time allow a simpler dialogue between parent and child. To test !
There is no such thing as a family without arguments. There is, and there will always be, a moment when tension between parents and children arises, whether over a question of authority, a “stupidity”, a behavior… But the important thing in these moments is not necessarily to resolve the problem by shouting (louder than the other), but to succeed both in regulating the child’s frustrations while building a more peaceful relationship. In short, to make it a constructive episode. A psychologist has the secret to this.
Remain in your calm and stable adult posture
First of all, it is important to remember the posture to hold, even if it is not always simple. In a conflict, between you and your child or between your children, you play the role of the parent. That is to say the one who identifies the person responsible for the conflict, who applies the rules, who must calm the conflict and reach a solution, all in non-violent communication. It is therefore essential not to lose your temper, and even less to devalue the child in the argument by calling him guilty, naughty or an unbearable child. You would only damage your child’s confidence while breaking the bond of trust. On the contrary, try to remain calm and resolve the problem by opening a dialogue.
A sentence to say to ease the conflict
Author of the book “The child at the heart of family conflict”, Yvonne Poncet Bonissol, clinical psychologist adds to this posture a sentence which could also change everything in terms of irritation and frustration. This sentence is that of saying:
“You know, when I was a child, I made mistakes too”
For what ? Because in a single sentence, you manage to make your child understand that you too were a child, that you experienced frustrations similar to theirs. This changes the perspective, he is not the bad child, but a child like others and like his parents were.
The psychologist also adds a tip to avoid prolonging the conflict: once the argument is managed and the crisis has passed, we do not return to it.we manage in the moment and we trivialize. We move on, we must not stay fixated on the conflict.” she advises.
Don’t let the situation get bogged down
Although arguments are inevitable, the psychologist nevertheless points out that it is not a question of ignoring them. On the contrary, if they become recurrent, it is important to discuss these conflicts with the child, in a calm moment and in a neutral place. Finally, if you have the impression that the child has lost his self-esteem, and that he is becoming aggressive, provocative, angry with you, it may be interesting to consult a professional to involve a third party in listening to this. family knot.
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