Couple become “roommates”: advice from a psychologist to remedy the problem

Couple become “roommates”: advice from a psychologist to remedy the problem

The passage of time, the routine, the busy daily life mean that some couples, very close at first, end up only exchanging three words during the evening. How can we explain this gradual change in behavior? And how to fix it?

Caring for each other, showing gestures of affection and love to each other on a daily basis… A happy and loving couple punctuates their daily lives with signs of affection and tenderness. But sometimes over time, these small gestures are forgotten and the couple slips into a sort of “shared accommodation”.

How to explain the situation?

It is sometimes difficult to step back and understand how your relationship, once so happy, turned into a sort of shared accommodation with your partner. In reality, it is a mutual withdrawal. “Instead of having difficult conversations and turning to each other for physical contact and comfort, both partners learned to curb their own needs or become 'self-sufficient' ” analyse Tasha Selter pour Psychology Today.

Over time, this builds a relationship where each partner learns to turn away from the other. Ultimately, with two spouses who end up feeling lonely and “like roommates” in their own relationship. If nothing is put in place to change this, these couples end up growing apart over time.

How to remedy this situation?

When we listen to people who experience this, they explain being afraid of “not being loved, accepted or heard” by others. To remedy this, both partners must get back into the habit of turning towards each other, to find signs of affection and once again share moments of intimacy and love together.

If you want to break this pattern and feel closer to your partner, you need to stop avoiding difficult conversations. You need to start opening up about your feelings and needs.” recommends Tasha Selter.

Ask to spend time with your spouse

The expert advises to ask things clearly. “For example, you could say, 'I notice that I've been turning away from you lately and I want to break that pattern and share more about how I'm feeling. I miss you, and what I think I need is to move on. time with you tonight Could we spend the evening together?“.

Coming back to the other is learned. Show your partner that they can lean on you for emotional support and ask them to do the same for you.