When you are under the spell, it can happen that you only have eyes for your partner. So much so that we forget our friends. In the jargon of the dating world, this is what we call “boyfriend disease”, and it is not without consequences.
Have you ever completely pushed your friends aside when you started a new romantic relationship? According to American influencer and podcaster Tinx, this is what we call “boyfriend sickness”. The influencer talks about a pandemic, a disease that “hits us all” – including herself – in one of her videos that went viral on TikTok.
According to the influencer, “boyfriend disease” manifests itself in several ways. For example, you may be disinterested in your friends' conversations because you are absorbed in messages sent by your partner. Canceling outings with friends at the last minute to spend time with your boyfriend, tending to adopt his opinions can also be one of the symptoms observed, according to her.
A “normal” process
But is it really so abnormal? According to Line Mourey, a clinical psychologist based in Dijon, contacted by ETX Majelan, overinvesting in the romantic relationship is a normal and natural process at the start of a romantic relationship. “To consolidate this new relationship, the two partners seek to build an emotional fusion. So they spend a lot of time together“, she says.
However, Line Mourey notes that the term “boyfriend sickness” is more of a popular label than an actual psychological disorder. She also points out a gendered dimension in its use, emphasizing that “men can also adopt this behavior” Even so, she recognizes that these terms can reveal psychological vulnerabilities such as fear of abandonment.
Risk of isolation
Indeed, some couples continue to adopt this dynamic long after the start of their relationship. The psychologist detects emotional insecurity there: “This can happen to people who do not feel that the relationship is consolidated, and who need constant reassurance. This behavior can also correspond to social expectations, which imply that 'everything is done in pairs'.“.
However, this excessive dependence can lead to toxic behavior in the relationship in the long term. “By putting all your energy on this romantic bond, you put a burden on the other partner, because he or she must now fill in the missing friendly bonds.“, adds the psychotherapist. This withdrawal into the romantic sphere can lead to “control, isolation, even verbal violence” in certain cases, according to the expert.
This is why it is crucial to maintain friendly ties to counter these potentially toxic behaviors. “Friends are the safeguards, they know us best and they will be able to determine if the relationship has a good or bad influence. They are also there to sound the alarm“, assures the psychologist. By having external links, we preserve mental balance and independence, which are essential notions in the couple.
